I think..all my body parts are currently gearing up for a big battle, against me.
Just I thought that I can get better, I am hospitalized again last week. This time, something with the abdomen. After scopes & scans..the doctor still have no idea what's going on..the best explanation is gastric ulcer, although he seems not sure if it just a gastric ulcer. I insisted to be discharge and continue working as usual, armed with a month supply of medication.
Right now tummy feel bloated, bila tepuk2 bunyi kembung on the right side, occasional heartburn and annoying pain on the right side. No, it's not appendix..dh scan ok. Tummy pun agak buncit..n senak so lengging comes in handy now (beli kat MNG murah n super selesa RM39).
The hell with diet nasik..perut nampak besar jugak. This morning out of disappointment with test result during follow up with doctor, I drive and bought the best delicacies Wangsa Maju can offer i.e. air jambu batu Pak Chu, MD Putu Bambu (both at Wangsa Melawati) and nasik kerabu (at AU5 sebelah Esso). Yup, during ofis hour. Lantak lah jadi pempuan gemok pun, I don't care anymore.
Now 3 specialist attending me..keep arranging time for appointment with them..sounds terrible rite? It doesn't, really. A part of the annoying feeling of bloated abdomen, I'm great. I still can stomach the occasional pain..it's just that these illness does bring my emotion down. I think, it must be something else that trigger the ilness. The reason actually, why those cysts, gastric and fibroid keep coming back even after being removed and controlled by medication. Is it because of stress?
Right now, I am trying to avoid any hospitalization and operation. Ape pulak company kata..bdk ni asyik sakit la, burden to the company. Dah la bos pun appraisal baru ni bagi rating rendah, mesti management igt..ooo asyik sakit je and under performed. Padahal... (ok, it's not nice to ramble about it here). And proposal for insurance pun kena reject sbb ade operation history. And exam (yg dibayar menggunakan duit sendiri beribu riban itu) and big family wedding coming up early December. I am sooo can't afford to be sick.
I really need to be ok again. To play futsal and masuk hutan again. Missed tido dalam khemah, menggendong beg Deuter merah 45+10, main daun (poker) di tengah2 malam bertemankan unggun api dan setan-setan, makan nasik hangit, and berpura-pura menjadi perempuan yg lemah bila jumpa guide or fellow climbers yg hensem. I missed berak dalam sungai..hahaha.
I hope, really hope and pray that I'll get better. I don't want to be disabled so early in my life. There's loadsa things that I want to do, loadsa places that I want to go, mountain that I want to conquer, loadsa sinful-glorious food that I refuse to give-up, loadsa love that I want to give..aku tak kawen pun lg tau.. and loadsa dosa I want to repent. And I hope by next year I can be off medication and reclaim my ideal body figure. Eceh..I missed dressed-up for a hot date and I missed my baju2 sendat & how good I feel in those.
But I'm mentally and financially (that's why la apply insurance) prepared for the worst. Cuma yg tak prepare ialah workplace & bilik kat umah tu..bersepah2 & things here & there. Keep promising myself to tidy things up, put important thing at 1 place like S&P rumah, docs kete, buku bank, list hutang, and throw anything that I don't want anyone to find out; specially my parents, in case anything bad happen to me. Isykk..macam ade gambar bogel je kan.
And I hope, if the day ever come (bukan hari kematian ye..sbb hari kematian itu amatlah pasti..ini yg x pasti cthnye: sakit), I'll be surrounded by people that I love & care..their appearance can ease the pain. I hope that they can leave their work for a while, and meet me..even for 5 minutes, just to make me convince that they too, love and care about me.
Enough of the emotional stuff. Next entry, will post about places that I have been, will be and berangan2 nak pi. Currently looking for those pictures in my external HD but demm, rosak la pulak. Have to pinjam Anne's copy.
Hope this weekend test will be less sakit & appointment next week doktor tak scary kan aku and I hope the result will be promising and everything gonna be just fine.
Hope that I live long, minimum as per mortality rate for Malaysian women (75) , grow old as wise and healthy as Dr Mahathir (minus the cardiac problem) and wrinkle gracefully like Tun Siti Hasmah (she has the rosiest cheeks!) and blessed with kap ba ra kap alif ta nun..KEBERKATAN.. (mcm salah eja jawi ni). Aminn.
Just I thought that I can get better, I am hospitalized again last week. This time, something with the abdomen. After scopes & scans..the doctor still have no idea what's going on..the best explanation is gastric ulcer, although he seems not sure if it just a gastric ulcer. I insisted to be discharge and continue working as usual, armed with a month supply of medication.
Right now tummy feel bloated, bila tepuk2 bunyi kembung on the right side, occasional heartburn and annoying pain on the right side. No, it's not appendix..dh scan ok. Tummy pun agak buncit..n senak so lengging comes in handy now (beli kat MNG murah n super selesa RM39).
The hell with diet nasik..perut nampak besar jugak. This morning out of disappointment with test result during follow up with doctor, I drive and bought the best delicacies Wangsa Maju can offer i.e. air jambu batu Pak Chu, MD Putu Bambu (both at Wangsa Melawati) and nasik kerabu (at AU5 sebelah Esso). Yup, during ofis hour. Lantak lah jadi pempuan gemok pun, I don't care anymore.
Now 3 specialist attending me..keep arranging time for appointment with them..sounds terrible rite? It doesn't, really. A part of the annoying feeling of bloated abdomen, I'm great. I still can stomach the occasional pain..it's just that these illness does bring my emotion down. I think, it must be something else that trigger the ilness. The reason actually, why those cysts, gastric and fibroid keep coming back even after being removed and controlled by medication. Is it because of stress?
Right now, I am trying to avoid any hospitalization and operation. Ape pulak company kata..bdk ni asyik sakit la, burden to the company. Dah la bos pun appraisal baru ni bagi rating rendah, mesti management igt..ooo asyik sakit je and under performed. Padahal... (ok, it's not nice to ramble about it here). And proposal for insurance pun kena reject sbb ade operation history. And exam (yg dibayar menggunakan duit sendiri beribu riban itu) and big family wedding coming up early December. I am sooo can't afford to be sick.
I really need to be ok again. To play futsal and masuk hutan again. Missed tido dalam khemah, menggendong beg Deuter merah 45+10, main daun (poker) di tengah2 malam bertemankan unggun api dan setan-setan, makan nasik hangit, and berpura-pura menjadi perempuan yg lemah bila jumpa guide or fellow climbers yg hensem. I missed berak dalam sungai..hahaha.
I hope, really hope and pray that I'll get better. I don't want to be disabled so early in my life. There's loadsa things that I want to do, loadsa places that I want to go, mountain that I want to conquer, loadsa sinful-glorious food that I refuse to give-up, loadsa love that I want to give..aku tak kawen pun lg tau.. and loadsa dosa I want to repent. And I hope by next year I can be off medication and reclaim my ideal body figure. Eceh..I missed dressed-up for a hot date and I missed my baju2 sendat & how good I feel in those.
But I'm mentally and financially (that's why la apply insurance) prepared for the worst. Cuma yg tak prepare ialah workplace & bilik kat umah tu..bersepah2 & things here & there. Keep promising myself to tidy things up, put important thing at 1 place like S&P rumah, docs kete, buku bank, list hutang, and throw anything that I don't want anyone to find out; specially my parents, in case anything bad happen to me. Isykk..macam ade gambar bogel je kan.
And I hope, if the day ever come (bukan hari kematian ye..sbb hari kematian itu amatlah pasti..ini yg x pasti cthnye: sakit), I'll be surrounded by people that I love & care..their appearance can ease the pain. I hope that they can leave their work for a while, and meet me..even for 5 minutes, just to make me convince that they too, love and care about me.
Enough of the emotional stuff. Next entry, will post about places that I have been, will be and berangan2 nak pi. Currently looking for those pictures in my external HD but demm, rosak la pulak. Have to pinjam Anne's copy.
Hope this weekend test will be less sakit & appointment next week doktor tak scary kan aku and I hope the result will be promising and everything gonna be just fine.
Hope that I live long, minimum as per mortality rate for Malaysian women (75) , grow old as wise and healthy as Dr Mahathir (minus the cardiac problem) and wrinkle gracefully like Tun Siti Hasmah (she has the rosiest cheeks!) and blessed with kap ba ra kap alif ta nun..KEBERKATAN.. (mcm salah eja jawi ni). Aminn.
2 comments:
wahhh..panjang tp aku baca habis tau, semoga ko sihat, next year kita travel ok!
'on no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear'
take care ya a auw.
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